mad scientist gets wet

my son likes to do science. 

He has made liquid oxygen, potato cannons, various ingots, and a bunch of other stuff.

After the end of school he and a friend were doing some science and decided it would be better in the dark so the garage door went down, the lights went off and.................well I guess it got a wee bit hot because he set off one of the sprinklers.  ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The sprinkler system we have is a bit old, and will trigger at 125 degrees which actually isn't very hot.  And being an older system it sprays glycol not water which is a nasty, hard to clean substance.  Also no one has ever shown me where the turn off is for the fire suppression system so we had about 20-30 min of full on glycol spray in garage.  Yuck.   And expensive.

I am also looking at buying a business, and as I tried to keep the glycol flowing down the floor drains I found myself thinking ---WTF do all homes in Aspen have to have fire suppression systems.  If yes, this could be interesting because not only do you get paid to install them you get paid to service them and I love recurring revenue.

A quick call to some of my architect and builder friends confirmed that yes most homes in the area require fire suppression systems, so maybe my son has found a business for me.

But the other part of my brain---the one that is filling out ooooodles of paperwork so he can work as a sailing instructor this summer  while under the age of 18 is thinking WTF---have we jumped the shark on rules.  Between the sprinklers doing a ton more damage than a fire most likely ever could (my insurance buddies confirmed this to be true), and my kid needed to prove he is a citizen with 3 types of IDs, getting 'working papers' which includes his full doctor's report, and a sign off from the local school superintendent and 6 more forms, I wonder if we maybe have jumped the shark.  I have heard the road to hell is paved with good intentions-- and when I hear of a couple of employers who won't hire anyone under 18 because the paperwork is too onerous, and when people complain about the cost of real estate in Aspen I wonder if a few less rules might lower real estate costs (or increase youth employment) without any collateral damage (except maybe to the income of businesses created to deal with these silly rules).

PS maybe I should run for President:

I promise to cut red tape
not take oppo research from anyone (foreign or domestic)
only hire people who are smarter than me (which actually isn't a very high bar)
and never ever tweet

ding dong the witch is dead

the wife and team APAC has managed to get the Superintendent of Aspen Schools to resign.  He wants to spend more time with his family which is more than a bit ironic given that he got his daughter hired to be the head psychologist of the district.  Still this should be a big win for the kids and teachers and pretty much everyone else who was associated with the district.

My ski season started on November and has continued into June.  Thank you Ski Co for reopening the mountain---and the skiing this past weekend was GOOD.  And then the wife jumped on the paddle board and I hiked and biked.  Nice to be able to get all those activities in at the same time.  Yea Aspen.

But all that snow has consequences.  Not sure what the right term is but one guy died and 2 others injured in roof avalanches in Crested Butte.

rooflanches

that ain't fucking nothing

yea ever have that ' friend' or maybe person you work with who is always one upping you?

Well we got some of that here in Aspen.

I thought it was pretty exceptional that my daughter had a soccer practice on Friday, drove to Denver for a hockey practice on Saturday, and on Sunday had her birthday party on Aspen mountain at a cabin we rented (ie lots of skiing and stupid shenanigans).  Taking a small detour to shenanigan land the kids boot skied all of Aspen mountain (that is skiing without skis--just in boots for those of ya not down with the  lingo).  Anyhow ski patrol was kind enough to inform us that skiing seems to require skis these days.

boot skiing above and moms singing below

anyhow back to the matter at hand

so I was telling a friend about my daughter's soccer, hockey, ski weekend triathlon and they looked at me in all seriousness and asked "what no lacrosse?".

Yup there is always someone doing more, being better etc.  Or as the old line goes " there is always someone thinner or richer" (or both) and they probably have a house in Aspen.

Which brings me to a quiz---what should Aspen's motto be

1.  Exclusive by design
2.  3 houses or 3 jobs
3.  Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess
4.  Home of parents who never ever stopped partying (and hope to be in Scarface 2)

Tapping into my calm yoga place happiness comes from the inside, not judging yourself against others, so maybe shut off your Strava and just ride your bike.  And, or next time you run into Mr. 1 uper please (its almost always a him with a small unit I'd bet)  have fun jerking his chain by 1 uping his fablous adventure.

The grass is always greener .......

but it usually aint.

Humans are a jealous bunch and we seem to think that everyone else has it better.  Most of us think that our families are pretty wacky while everyone else has a pretty normal household.  My guess is more families are closer to Malcolm in the Middle than Leave it to Beaver.

I got to see this human condition play out up close and personal this past weekend.  I took my daughter to Minnesota to play in a hockey tournament.  I assumed that Minnesota hockey would be perfect.  Dialed into perfection.  Great ice, NHL caliber refs, fantastic scoreboard and time keepers.

Wrong.

Really wrong.

The ice was frequently bad.  They had only one person to handle the clock, scoreboard, sports engine, and penalty box.  More often than not penalties didn't even make it to the scoreboard, and players had to self release from the penalty box when they thought the penalty was up because of course it wasn't on the scoreboard.  And a couple of the refs couldn't even get offsides and icing calls right little less tuffer stuff like boarding or the goalie freezing the puck in the crease.  While missed calls are part of the game, when a bunch are missed the game can get dangerous and ugly in a hurry.

Moral of the story---if Minnesota can't get hockey right then no one can.  Don't put Minnesota hockey on a pedestal.  More generally, don't assume everyone else is living in some magic land where Wally and the Beaver get along and say things like "aw shucks."  Be happy with what you got warts and all because everyone has warts some just aren't immediately obvious.  Assuming everyone else has it better and that there must be better sports programs, schools, doctors, jobs etc out there is the express lane to being miserable.  Enjoy what you got and be thankful.

public service announcement

lock up your MMJ edibles. 

Of course you hear the stories about kids eating their parents gummies, or candy bars and cookies and ya think yea but that aint gonna happen to me and then..............

you dog eats the neighbors weed and has a VERY bad 24 hours (and shares that badness with her family).

What happened?  Well the mud room door didn't fully close and the dogs did a bit of a walk about.  One of em got into the neighbours stash and ate god knows how much THC, but my dog in general doesn't stop eating till whatever she is eating is gone.  And she weighs about 1/3rd of a adult human so assuming she ate 3 or 4 adult doses of space cakes ....well you can do the math.

Next thing you know I got a dog who can't stand, is pissing herself and jerking anytime anything comes near her.  The wife freaks out and takes dog to vet who says " we see this a couple time a week, she is stoned".  Not much to be done but ride it out--and you can pretty much tell its over when the diarrhea sets in.

So please those of you with edibles in your cars, homes or lunch bags please please please lock it up.  I don't want to deal with another stoned pooch (that said my dogs are stupid when it comes to food and always happy to give it another go).

loco locals

We just got back from Maui spring break.  A couple of similarities between Aspen and Maui leaped out at me immediately.  Upon landing after a long long commute we went to the big Safeway supermarket to load up on food because eating at home is supposed to be cheaper, and I am cheap.

Holy smokes food at the big 'cheap' supermarket was about 40% more expensive than Clarke's market in Aspen which is about 50% more than City Market (our discount market).  For those of you not good at math, food was double the cost of ASPEN.  Ugh.  Maui has about 4 times the population of the roaring fork valley but its spread out over 9 times as much space resulting in some really small schools and really long commutes.  They do have a Krispy Kreme but if you need a medical specialist you are probably flying to the big Island or more likely the mainland. 

Bottom line living in Maui is expensive and kinda a pain in the ass.  Why do it?  Just like in the roaring fork valley people live here not for the convenience but for the great outdoor recreational opportunities.  Want some of the best waves in the world--go to Maui.  Wanna hike in rain forest, play in waterfalls and freshwater ponds and enjoy white, black and red sand beaches--go to Maui.  Want to hope on your road bike and climb over 10k vertical feet?  Maui's got that.  Want some great food (and honestly after the trip to Safeway I am starting to think that food is less expensive in restaurants than grocery stores) Maui has you covered. 

Just like in Aspen, the folks that move to Maui don't do it for convenience or cost of living--they do it to recreate.  That means be very, very careful and respectful of locals offering advice.  What seems like a easy surf beach to them might seem crazy to someone who doesn't get in the ocean twice a day every day of the year if possible (blowing away those Aspenites with their 100 ski day pins). 

How do you handle the local suggestion to ignore the park ranger and signs that say don't jump into this pool (blindly from 25 feet up)?  And you are with your kids who you want to obey laws?  In either town the local giving you advice might be pictured in the ski-surf coffee table book in the house you rented.  What the loco locals suggest as fun you might find a wee bit frightening.

Bottom line--Aspen and Maui locals have lots of excellent local knowledge, and you should absolutely listen to what they got to say.  But also keep in mind what a local sign said at one of the north shore beaches---IF YOU DON'T KNOW, DON'T GO

PS: another example of living in the bubble too long--Aspen Ski co is making a push to draw more visitors -------------------from uphilling,  It is a ton a fun and with the new equipment its popularity is EXPLODING with.......... locals.  Someone at skico has gone loco local thinking that people from New York and Chicago (ie sea level) are gonna fly to Aspen and rent skinning equipment and skin up mountain.  My guess is being the best uphilling resort in the country adds 1% to our out of state visits.  Only locals and dirt bags uphill and they don't spend money.  Duh.

Honey Badger don't give a shit

or

Party Town USA

or

Dumb and Dumberer

Wow this post could have so many great titles but first you need to read the following articles (either one will do but like a car crash you may not be able to turn away)

then we can discuss

bad parents

bad kid

Ohhh kay where to start?????????

Drugs, alcohol, and nicotine are a problem for kids (and adults) everywhere.  JUST SAY NO doesn't work.  Expecting kids to make smart decisions ain't gonna cut it.  Outlawing alcohol was tried and failed.  I bet all of my readers did some shit as teenagers.  As Forest Gump said 'Shit Happens'.  And thank God in the 70s, 80s and 90s there weren't cell phones recording everything and publishing it everywhere for pepritutidity.

But nowhere in my checkered past did I do drugs with parents.  I couldn't imagine a situation where a parent would pass me a plate of coke.  Nor for that matter a big old spliff (but that might be a little easier to imagine than coke).  And pills---no way.

But let's be honest.  We all tell our kids not to drink and drive.  And then we drink and drive.  Maybe it's one drink or maybe its 4 over a couple of hours--but teenagers pick up on hypocrisy and every time you have a cocktail, and a beer and two glasses of wine and then drive the family home your kids note that.

Aspen for sure has a party culture to it---some of the locals came for the party in the 70s and 80s and still want to keep it going.  Tourists come from out of town and like to party while they are on vacation.  Shoot, Vegas has an ad campaign of "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." and while Aspen has more class than Vegas it channels much of the same energy.

For sure this isn't just an Aspen thing.  Kids are drinking and drugging and vaping in every high school bathroom in the USA.  If you think they aren't ---well guess again.

I don't think there is a simple answer.  The adolescent brain is stupid (not fully developed prefrontal cortex + hormones is a bad combo).  Add in cell phones and bad crap gets even badder.  Also every town has some stupid parents--hopefully this will end the Lipsey stupidity in this town (although one might have thought doing this to the family Tesla in November might have been enough).

Yea this is the same kid who drove the family Tesla off Maroon Creek Road at 90+ MPH with 5 kids in the car (all are remarkably ok ish ) less than 2 months later are serving up coke Scarface style.  Guess this is not a family that can be scared straight or learns a lesson.  And then last Thursday at a weird party (it may or may not have been school sanctioned ) is rumored to have been doing lines first in the bathroom and then out in the open.  I have been told that Joe the IV is a 'good kid'.  Well I don't want my kid anywhere near this kid.

So what do we tell our kids.  I am very much open to suggestions but I am starting with:

1.    Get the heck away from bad situations.  If you see guns, hard drugs (ie not pot or booze), or a party is getting out of hand (property damage, or risky physical activity) leave.  Just leave--I don't care how you do it--walk, run. drive, call us as you leave for a ride if you need.  Grab your friends or leave em.  Whatever is easiest but just leave.  Because as the title of this post alludes to --honey badger don't give a shit.  Replace honey badger with the law, schools, employers --they aren't going to do a deep dive into exactly who was doing what.  If your in the house that was trashed with lots of kids doing drugs and shooting guns you could spend your whole life trying to explain your presence.  Just leave.

2.  Put the fucking cell phones away.  Stop recording all your stupidity and posting it (even on SnapChat).  God you kids are so fucking stupid.  Pictures often don't tell the whole story, or even the true story, and that is what makes them so dangerous.  Do you really want to be telling a prospective employer or college admissions office that it was just flower not coke?  Or yea it was coke but you were just pretending and yucking it up.  Arg no phones.  Employers don't give a shit.

3.  Don't do drugs.  But if you are going to do drugs in a public place where there are cameras only do it in the bathroom.  No video in bathrooms your stupid teenagers.  And don't do drugs with parents.  Don't accept drugs from parents.  Parents that give drugs to kids are creepy and next thing you know will be trying to have sex with you and .........yuck.  Lets just say don't do drugs---teenagers with developing prefrontal cortex + hormones are inclined to be stupid enough--adding drugs is a recipe for doing really stupid shit (and one of your stupid shit friends is gonna record it and post it).  And the law don't give a shit.  

On a lighter note for those of you who have not watched the honey badger video there is a link is below

honey badger don't care