Forgive me for wanting to be my son---but really what guy in their 50s doesn't sometimes look longingly at being a teenager again. Sure it's not all laughs, and cell phones are super dangerous, but still.......
So the boy (who always is bitching about living in Aspen cause he wants to sail and work on the water) spent the summer in Chatham on Cape Cod. He flew planes, sailed on a race team, and coached all ages. Yes he got paid to be on the water sailing or driving a coach boat. He even got to play the hero 'saving' a young girl who capsized her boat and got her hair tangled in the rigging.
Did I mention that he lucked into housing with an 84 year old woman? While that might not sound super duper she lived on the ocean and had a power boat which he used to commute back and forth to 'work'. Yup that is right--wake up, hop in boat and drive it to the club to teach sailing, race with team, and then power boat home.
Coming home on Saturday and heading to school on Monday was a wee bit of shock. That said we don't have tornadoes here (he got caught in one on the way to work freaking all the local moms out), no sharks (and Cape Cod is super sharky) and no EEE mosquitoes (he had a race end early to avoid bites from the airborne pests. EEE is fatal 80% of the time, so while I am thrilled he had a great summer and a bit jealous, I am turning a deaf ear to the complaints about how horrible Aspen is.
Did I mention that he is going to spend the next week rafting cataract canyon as part of school. The only challenge is gonna be him getting home in time to make the Weezer concert. Yea its sooooooo hard to be a teenage boy.
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
4th of July Parades---I got dibs
Before I get to the meat of the matter a quick observation re Trump's 4th of July fest. His speech wasn't a crafted from his campaign material. Yea. However, I have done a multivariable analysis and it shows that countries that have more and bigger military parades tend to have declining relative military strength (France being an epic example of this). Those with strong-relatively increasing military strength tend to shy away from the need to show their strength via military parades. Bottom line, in my experience the guy who talks a lot in a bar fight isn't the one you have to worry about--its the guy you didn't hear who is the most dangerous. Hopefully, the Donald's need to have a parade is more a reflection of his weakness, and not our country's.
Back to celebrating the 4th of July in Aspen and Chatham. Both are small towns with big vacation crowds who relish showing off their patriotism. There are some noticeable differences. Chatham definitely channels more old school WASP, fife, drum and tri corner hats, and nantucket red, while Aspen displays much heavy equipment and the tighty whities rollerblade team in red, white and blue body paint. Despite these differences, they have also both been infected by the need to call dibs.
At risk of sounding like a grumpy old man--I remember back in the day when you showed up at a parade a bit before the start and found a place to stand. In both Aspen and Chatham people started 'reserving' spots with blankets and chairs a day ahead of time. A similar thing happens with the Chatham band concert, as well as many of the outdoor concerts in Aspen. This is a kinda insidious problem--once a couple of people call dibs if you don't you could be left with a pretty bad view (really not the end of the world--I hear ya). However, are the voices of our better angels being drowned out by people shouting DIBS?
At risk of over-analysing reserving space on a parade route, what is up with the need to win the best spot? Shouldn't it be ok to get what you get and don't get upset? Do we really need rules to regulate this behavior (the tragedy of the commons). What happens if you mark your spot two days before the event? What about 3? If chairs and blankets are ok what about a bench or bleachers. And if bleachers are ok, how long until someone decides to make some money selling their prime reserved space? Is that capitalism at its finest or an individual motinizing a public good? For sure its a slippery slope.
I am all for competition and capitalism in its proper place. I am also a big believer in community, where we work together and enjoy things together. Yes the early bird gets the worm--but should everything be a worm that we compete for. If so, do you really want the inevitable rules that must follow to regulate that competition? And yes rules are necessary when we compete otherwise why call dibs? Just show up with the biggest gun and a willingness to use it, and the best spot is yours. Is that what makes American great?
Ok. Maybe I am ranting too much like a grumpy old man, but you get the point. And while we are celebrating the birth of American, it is a good time to remember how we all got here. If you aren't an American Indian, be thankful that no one called dibs on American and shut the door on your family's arrival. Today is a day to celebrate, let's do it as a community and next year leave the chairs and blankets at home.
God Bless America.
Back to celebrating the 4th of July in Aspen and Chatham. Both are small towns with big vacation crowds who relish showing off their patriotism. There are some noticeable differences. Chatham definitely channels more old school WASP, fife, drum and tri corner hats, and nantucket red, while Aspen displays much heavy equipment and the tighty whities rollerblade team in red, white and blue body paint. Despite these differences, they have also both been infected by the need to call dibs.
At risk of sounding like a grumpy old man--I remember back in the day when you showed up at a parade a bit before the start and found a place to stand. In both Aspen and Chatham people started 'reserving' spots with blankets and chairs a day ahead of time. A similar thing happens with the Chatham band concert, as well as many of the outdoor concerts in Aspen. This is a kinda insidious problem--once a couple of people call dibs if you don't you could be left with a pretty bad view (really not the end of the world--I hear ya). However, are the voices of our better angels being drowned out by people shouting DIBS?
At risk of over-analysing reserving space on a parade route, what is up with the need to win the best spot? Shouldn't it be ok to get what you get and don't get upset? Do we really need rules to regulate this behavior (the tragedy of the commons). What happens if you mark your spot two days before the event? What about 3? If chairs and blankets are ok what about a bench or bleachers. And if bleachers are ok, how long until someone decides to make some money selling their prime reserved space? Is that capitalism at its finest or an individual motinizing a public good? For sure its a slippery slope.
I am all for competition and capitalism in its proper place. I am also a big believer in community, where we work together and enjoy things together. Yes the early bird gets the worm--but should everything be a worm that we compete for. If so, do you really want the inevitable rules that must follow to regulate that competition? And yes rules are necessary when we compete otherwise why call dibs? Just show up with the biggest gun and a willingness to use it, and the best spot is yours. Is that what makes American great?
Ok. Maybe I am ranting too much like a grumpy old man, but you get the point. And while we are celebrating the birth of American, it is a good time to remember how we all got here. If you aren't an American Indian, be thankful that no one called dibs on American and shut the door on your family's arrival. Today is a day to celebrate, let's do it as a community and next year leave the chairs and blankets at home.
God Bless America.
going native
sorry about the long absence, but I'm back for better or worse
I think I am starting to be an aspen native. Really you may ask? Really. Why?
1. I can smell bears on the trail---they smell kinda like like ripe berries mixed with elk crap. I was walking the dogs up the ute the other day and thought---humm that smells like bear, and around the next switch back the race was on between a bear and my dogs---lucky the bear won
2. I found myself having a conversation with another local at a bar about how last year the limited rain resulted in a late and limited acorn supply along with low berry yield resulting in hungry bears eating drywall, hot tub covers and anything else that might contain calories. This year the heavy snow resulted in limited chokeberry fruit which also made for hungry bears. Yup, I've gone from talking about funding rates, execution algos and credit spreads to crops for bears. Bottom line Aspen has a bear problem.
3. I found myself calling a friend to ask if he has harvested his hay yet. My daughter's bunny prefers locally grown all organic hay and he is a great supplier and $3 bucks cheaper than the Co Op, and 95% cheaper than the crap you big city bunny owners buy at Petco. Yes, I can have an informed conversation about hay and I do buy it by the bushel.
PS I have seen a bear each of the last 4 days (since my return from Cape Cod). Today's sighting included a very small mom and 2 cubs who couldn't have weighed more than 30 lbs. Clemmens scared one of the cubs who scampered up a 3 foot tall Aspen sapling. Very cute, and I would share a pic but I was too busy keeping the dogs under control so as not to piss off momma bear.
I think I am starting to be an aspen native. Really you may ask? Really. Why?
1. I can smell bears on the trail---they smell kinda like like ripe berries mixed with elk crap. I was walking the dogs up the ute the other day and thought---humm that smells like bear, and around the next switch back the race was on between a bear and my dogs---lucky the bear won
2. I found myself having a conversation with another local at a bar about how last year the limited rain resulted in a late and limited acorn supply along with low berry yield resulting in hungry bears eating drywall, hot tub covers and anything else that might contain calories. This year the heavy snow resulted in limited chokeberry fruit which also made for hungry bears. Yup, I've gone from talking about funding rates, execution algos and credit spreads to crops for bears. Bottom line Aspen has a bear problem.
3. I found myself calling a friend to ask if he has harvested his hay yet. My daughter's bunny prefers locally grown all organic hay and he is a great supplier and $3 bucks cheaper than the Co Op, and 95% cheaper than the crap you big city bunny owners buy at Petco. Yes, I can have an informed conversation about hay and I do buy it by the bushel.
PS I have seen a bear each of the last 4 days (since my return from Cape Cod). Today's sighting included a very small mom and 2 cubs who couldn't have weighed more than 30 lbs. Clemmens scared one of the cubs who scampered up a 3 foot tall Aspen sapling. Very cute, and I would share a pic but I was too busy keeping the dogs under control so as not to piss off momma bear.
Monday, July 1, 2019
doggie danger
as promised some lighter fare ---with videos
Getting back to the origins of this blog--comparing big city to small town living, I want to take a moment to compare the risks of letting your dog play off lead.
In the big city there are cars. Lots of cars and it seemed to me that often food was sold near busy streets, (food trucks, hot dog carts and just lots of food being dropped). All that food attracts my dogs, which makes the possibility of dog-car interaction likely. My dogs never got run over but over 14 years there was the occasional cringe moment when a dog ran across Halsted or Webster in search of food. Or a rat.
In the mountains we have much less food laying about (the bears, coyotes etc clean that up at night). We do have much more wildlife to chase but less roads to chase it across. However, after an epic winter snow we got water. Lots of water. My dogs love to play in water, but right now that isn't always a good idea.
Friendly water to enjoy
scary water to avoid (this is some same water as above just a mile lower down trail)
Getting back to the origins of this blog--comparing big city to small town living, I want to take a moment to compare the risks of letting your dog play off lead.
In the big city there are cars. Lots of cars and it seemed to me that often food was sold near busy streets, (food trucks, hot dog carts and just lots of food being dropped). All that food attracts my dogs, which makes the possibility of dog-car interaction likely. My dogs never got run over but over 14 years there was the occasional cringe moment when a dog ran across Halsted or Webster in search of food. Or a rat.
In the mountains we have much less food laying about (the bears, coyotes etc clean that up at night). We do have much more wildlife to chase but less roads to chase it across. However, after an epic winter snow we got water. Lots of water. My dogs love to play in water, but right now that isn't always a good idea.
scary water to avoid (this is some same water as above just a mile lower down trail)
and sneaky water that looks safe but is flowing pretty fast (ie paddle sideways for eddies not straight up against current--although I love her using the tree to try to help)
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
And the Jury says.......I am a racist
if the Jury is mostly composed of people of color or people who are working in higher education. In general the opinions of my friends broke down as follows---friends of color concluded that the intensity of my spidey sense was indicative of racial prejudice. My friends in higher ed believe we are all racist and sent me links to take quizzes and thoughtful articles about prejudice. My white friends not in education all concluded that I did the right thing, wasn't having an outsized reaction and wasn't a racist. One did suggest that I respond with 'I didn't bring my tweezers so I don't think I can help ya'. While that is a very witty rejoinder, my racist mindset leads me to conclude that might have been considered provocative and just maybe might have made the situation worse.
Everyone, regardless of background agreed that the man who moved over 3 rows of seats to tap me on the shoulder and to ask for a ball scratch was provocative---ie trying to provoke a response. I can't read the young man's mind but I kinda doubt he was just hoping that I would ignore him and leave, but maybe that is a racist assumption.
Please feel free to stop reading here--I will return to lighter fare with my next post. I promise. But if you want to think about race please consider reading on.
I believe my views are formed by my experiences and 'knowledge' that I have absorbed. I believe that is how most of us form opinions of other groups and yes it does involved a lot of assumptions--each individual does not a group make. Maybe if I had time to get to know each individual in the group that was in the movie theater I would have felt comfortable telling them to shut the f*ck up, but I didn't have that opportunity.
I grew up in a white part of St. Louis with mostly white friends. I did experience getting pulled over at gunpoint by Ladue police officers in high school with an African American friend because he was black, but in general I can't claim to have experienced the kind of racial prejudice my black friends experience all the time. They have told me stories about being pulled over for being black, being unable to hail a taxi, being closely monitored in stores, and having people cross the street when they approached. I have no doubt that happens all the time, and you could argue I did a version of that fleeing the movie theater.
However, some of those same friends told me of being assaulted by people of color. A quick look at some statistics indicate that you are 6xs more likely to be shot to death by a man than a woman in the US and 7xs more likely in Missouri. In Missouri you are 3.6xs more likely to be shot to death by a black person than a white person. Those are objective facts---mix that in with horribly subjective feelings like what kind of energy did they radiate? what seemed to be their intent? and my actions can be seen as very racist or very smart.
I have spent much of my life trying to ascertain risks. Between having my son with me and the small chance that someone was carrying a gun created a very asymmetric risk profile. If I call out their bad behavior and stand my ground, maybe they shut up and I get to watch the movie in peace. Maybe either or both of us die or are injured. Do I want to risk even a small chance of my son's death to watch the last hour of Dark Phoenix? NO.
There is also an interesting question of what my son learned from the experience. You could argue that I have implanted racists assumptions into him--assume the worst of black people and flee, or that I taught him to turn the other cheek, take the high road, and don't get goaded into a fight.
Conclusions:
Trusting your gut can be racist, but it can also be right. Judging a book by its cover can be predicucial but it also can be informative. Statistically I am much less likely to be shot by a group of white girls than black men. If the white women all looked like Ronda Rousey, I might feel just as scared (although what would she ask me to scratch?)
We need to be more empathic. Americans need to try to realize how much it stinks to be judged by your skin color. To get pulled over for driving while black (and yes studies that control for every factor including high crime neighborhoods etc show that racism does drive traffic stops). To fear being shot because your skin color and sex is considered threatening. However, there are approximately 20 million traffic stops in the US per year---only a tiny tiny fraction of which result in a horrific outcome.
The situation around Oberlin College is informative of how complicated issues around race can be. It's worth doing your own case study on that incident, but at a high level a black student shoplifted a bottle of wine from a store, was caught and prosecuted, then other students with support from the college decided the bakery was racist and protested the store and the college pulled business from them. A jury found no racial discrimination and awarded $44 million in damages against Oberlin. Less noted but worth noting, the jury was all white.
oh oberlin
It's also important to realize how far we have come. The Voting Rights Act was signed in 1965 and less than 50 years later a black man was elected president. In 1986 the US Supreme court ruled sodomy laws WERE constitutional. Only in 2003 did the Supreme court rule that sodomy laws were unconstitutional. Twelve years later the Supreme court legalized gay marriage. That is a lot of progress in a short period of time. Some are impatient we haven't moved faster on eliminating all discrimination, others are unhappy with identity politics, and feeling they are being told how they must behave.
Bottom line---I think more perspective and empathy would go a long way to reducing racism and discrimination, along with accepting that people tend to group with like people. To put it simply--I would very much enjoy watching a Blues game with a bunch of St. Louis hockey fans, not so much with a bunch of brain eating Martians (who might be really great, interesting life forms with a passion for hockey and a take out bag of brains to eat BUT I am not that woke).
Everyone, regardless of background agreed that the man who moved over 3 rows of seats to tap me on the shoulder and to ask for a ball scratch was provocative---ie trying to provoke a response. I can't read the young man's mind but I kinda doubt he was just hoping that I would ignore him and leave, but maybe that is a racist assumption.
Please feel free to stop reading here--I will return to lighter fare with my next post. I promise. But if you want to think about race please consider reading on.
I believe my views are formed by my experiences and 'knowledge' that I have absorbed. I believe that is how most of us form opinions of other groups and yes it does involved a lot of assumptions--each individual does not a group make. Maybe if I had time to get to know each individual in the group that was in the movie theater I would have felt comfortable telling them to shut the f*ck up, but I didn't have that opportunity.
I grew up in a white part of St. Louis with mostly white friends. I did experience getting pulled over at gunpoint by Ladue police officers in high school with an African American friend because he was black, but in general I can't claim to have experienced the kind of racial prejudice my black friends experience all the time. They have told me stories about being pulled over for being black, being unable to hail a taxi, being closely monitored in stores, and having people cross the street when they approached. I have no doubt that happens all the time, and you could argue I did a version of that fleeing the movie theater.
However, some of those same friends told me of being assaulted by people of color. A quick look at some statistics indicate that you are 6xs more likely to be shot to death by a man than a woman in the US and 7xs more likely in Missouri. In Missouri you are 3.6xs more likely to be shot to death by a black person than a white person. Those are objective facts---mix that in with horribly subjective feelings like what kind of energy did they radiate? what seemed to be their intent? and my actions can be seen as very racist or very smart.
I have spent much of my life trying to ascertain risks. Between having my son with me and the small chance that someone was carrying a gun created a very asymmetric risk profile. If I call out their bad behavior and stand my ground, maybe they shut up and I get to watch the movie in peace. Maybe either or both of us die or are injured. Do I want to risk even a small chance of my son's death to watch the last hour of Dark Phoenix? NO.
There is also an interesting question of what my son learned from the experience. You could argue that I have implanted racists assumptions into him--assume the worst of black people and flee, or that I taught him to turn the other cheek, take the high road, and don't get goaded into a fight.
Conclusions:
Trusting your gut can be racist, but it can also be right. Judging a book by its cover can be predicucial but it also can be informative. Statistically I am much less likely to be shot by a group of white girls than black men. If the white women all looked like Ronda Rousey, I might feel just as scared (although what would she ask me to scratch?)
We need to be more empathic. Americans need to try to realize how much it stinks to be judged by your skin color. To get pulled over for driving while black (and yes studies that control for every factor including high crime neighborhoods etc show that racism does drive traffic stops). To fear being shot because your skin color and sex is considered threatening. However, there are approximately 20 million traffic stops in the US per year---only a tiny tiny fraction of which result in a horrific outcome.
The situation around Oberlin College is informative of how complicated issues around race can be. It's worth doing your own case study on that incident, but at a high level a black student shoplifted a bottle of wine from a store, was caught and prosecuted, then other students with support from the college decided the bakery was racist and protested the store and the college pulled business from them. A jury found no racial discrimination and awarded $44 million in damages against Oberlin. Less noted but worth noting, the jury was all white.
oh oberlin
It's also important to realize how far we have come. The Voting Rights Act was signed in 1965 and less than 50 years later a black man was elected president. In 1986 the US Supreme court ruled sodomy laws WERE constitutional. Only in 2003 did the Supreme court rule that sodomy laws were unconstitutional. Twelve years later the Supreme court legalized gay marriage. That is a lot of progress in a short period of time. Some are impatient we haven't moved faster on eliminating all discrimination, others are unhappy with identity politics, and feeling they are being told how they must behave.
Bottom line---I think more perspective and empathy would go a long way to reducing racism and discrimination, along with accepting that people tend to group with like people. To put it simply--I would very much enjoy watching a Blues game with a bunch of St. Louis hockey fans, not so much with a bunch of brain eating Martians (who might be really great, interesting life forms with a passion for hockey and a take out bag of brains to eat BUT I am not that woke).
Friday, June 21, 2019
am i racist?
I've never really tried a post like this---please try to be patient and actually read it, and then I would appreciate your thoughts. Also, I do appreciate the comments I got regarding sports parents---shame everyone has a similar story to tell of off the hook parents. What is wrong with us?
But onto race and taking my son to the movies in St. Louis.
Preamble
I think racism can sometimes be hard to identify, and subject to individual perspective, environment and upbringing so let me try to give you clean facts first and then we can wade into more difficult subjective questions.
Facts
My 15 year old son and I went to see a movie at the St. Louis Galleria in Richmond Heights on a Friday night. It started at 8pm.
The Galleria is located next to two of the 'nicest' suburbs in St. Louis---both Clayton and Ladue touch the Galleria--Clayton is home to one of the top 50 best public high schools in the country, Ladue is home to a top 20 private school--both have many many multi million dollar homes. I grew up in Clayton and went to school in Ladue.
About 20 minutes into the movie 9-15 young adult men between the age of 15-25 came into the theater. I can't give you an exact number because I didn't want to stare. 4 sat four rows ahead of us, while the rest sat 4 or 5 rows behind us and maybe 4 seats closer to the wall. They immediately started a ruckus. Speaking loudly, rapping, tossing popcorn and other stuff at each other. My spider sense was tingling. On a scale of 1-10 I would say it was about at a 6. This went on for around 30 minutes with my anxiety growing. All of the other theater goers just ignored the crap behavior. Then one of the young men moved into the seat right behind me---tapped me on my shoulder and said,'my balls itch. Would you scratch them'. At this point my spidey sense is somewhere between and 8-9 (FYI a 10 would be having a gun visible).
I stood up and told my son we were leaving. We got up, left the screening room without making eye contact or saying a word. In the lobby I saw a manager--told him very briefly what was going on and indicated I thought a fight could break out and that their could be weapons, and asked for a refund. A refund was refused and he asked if I saw any weapons and I said no (as I said I didn't really want to take a hard look at them). I didn't want to stay around any longer than necessary, so we left. Outside the movie theater area but still inside the mall we ran into a mall cop. My son suggested we talk to the mall cop. I told him it wasn't worth it--he wasn't armed and wouldn't want to mix it up with those kids.
I didn't know what the theater manager would do, and I was worried that if he acted to stop the behavior the kids might come after us in the parking lot. We hightailed it to the car and fled to Ted Drews.
Additional facts, some of which I knew and some of which I didn't but go to the mosaic.
Although the St. Louis Galleria is located in a 'nice' part of town it has a bit of an ugly reputation which I didn't know. When I talked to some local friends they indicated that they wouldn't go to the movies there. A quick Google search showed 4 incidents of shots fired over the proceeding 18 months, as well as a stabbing and many fights.
There have been a number of movie theater shootings--I obviously remember the Big One in Aurora CO. There have been a number of other shootings at movie theaters which I also remember to some degree.
Missouri has some of the most relaxed gun laws in the country paired with very aggressive stand your ground laws. The result has been in increase in firearm death rates that way outpaces the nation and according to the CDC puts MO 6th in the country in gun death rates.
Questions:
1. If the young adult men has been white instead of black would my spidey sense have been pinging as aggressively?
2. If guns weren't such a clear and present risk factor in this country and in St. Louis in particular would I, other patrons, the theatre manager, or the mall cops be more willing to stand up to bad behavior?
3. Did I react appropriately? Should I have pushed back on the young men? Should I have told others? My assumption was that they were looking for a fight, but maybe they were just acting like stupid kids.
4. Would I have felt better if I was armed? No. I tend to believe in the old testament law regarding guns--one rule is "don't pull it if you ain't gonna use it" and do I really want to start shooting people? No. Do I want to start shooting people and possibly provoke a gun fight with my son next to me? NO NO NO. Would Missouri's stand your ground laws probably have protected me had I shot a bunch of people? Probably. Did I fear for my and my son's safety? Absolutely. Did one of the kids climb over 3 rows of seats to sit right behind me and make contact with me? Yup. Did he direct a nasty comment at me and my son. Ya betcha? Was there a way for me to escape? Yes and I used it but could I have stood my ground? Does horrible behavior in a movie theatre warrant being shot?
For those of you who don't remember or didn't track the final outcome over the shooting over a disagreement in a bar over a dog's weight it's worth reading this link.
man starts bar fight--shoots 2 and kills one and takes plea after hung jury
5. Would I have felt better if we had to go through a metal detector to enter the theater? Yes. However, movie theaters are barely making money and adding a line item to their expenses for that level of security would bankrupt most. And there is both the hassle factor and the low level anxiety created by needing that kind of security to go to a movie.
So was I right or wrong? Did I overreact (or underreact). Would I have reacted the same way if the bad behavior came from white men, or women?
I look forward to your thoughts---and promise the next post will be much lighter fare.
But onto race and taking my son to the movies in St. Louis.
Preamble
I think racism can sometimes be hard to identify, and subject to individual perspective, environment and upbringing so let me try to give you clean facts first and then we can wade into more difficult subjective questions.
Facts
My 15 year old son and I went to see a movie at the St. Louis Galleria in Richmond Heights on a Friday night. It started at 8pm.
The Galleria is located next to two of the 'nicest' suburbs in St. Louis---both Clayton and Ladue touch the Galleria--Clayton is home to one of the top 50 best public high schools in the country, Ladue is home to a top 20 private school--both have many many multi million dollar homes. I grew up in Clayton and went to school in Ladue.
About 20 minutes into the movie 9-15 young adult men between the age of 15-25 came into the theater. I can't give you an exact number because I didn't want to stare. 4 sat four rows ahead of us, while the rest sat 4 or 5 rows behind us and maybe 4 seats closer to the wall. They immediately started a ruckus. Speaking loudly, rapping, tossing popcorn and other stuff at each other. My spider sense was tingling. On a scale of 1-10 I would say it was about at a 6. This went on for around 30 minutes with my anxiety growing. All of the other theater goers just ignored the crap behavior. Then one of the young men moved into the seat right behind me---tapped me on my shoulder and said,'my balls itch. Would you scratch them'. At this point my spidey sense is somewhere between and 8-9 (FYI a 10 would be having a gun visible).
I stood up and told my son we were leaving. We got up, left the screening room without making eye contact or saying a word. In the lobby I saw a manager--told him very briefly what was going on and indicated I thought a fight could break out and that their could be weapons, and asked for a refund. A refund was refused and he asked if I saw any weapons and I said no (as I said I didn't really want to take a hard look at them). I didn't want to stay around any longer than necessary, so we left. Outside the movie theater area but still inside the mall we ran into a mall cop. My son suggested we talk to the mall cop. I told him it wasn't worth it--he wasn't armed and wouldn't want to mix it up with those kids.
I didn't know what the theater manager would do, and I was worried that if he acted to stop the behavior the kids might come after us in the parking lot. We hightailed it to the car and fled to Ted Drews.
Additional facts, some of which I knew and some of which I didn't but go to the mosaic.
Although the St. Louis Galleria is located in a 'nice' part of town it has a bit of an ugly reputation which I didn't know. When I talked to some local friends they indicated that they wouldn't go to the movies there. A quick Google search showed 4 incidents of shots fired over the proceeding 18 months, as well as a stabbing and many fights.
There have been a number of movie theater shootings--I obviously remember the Big One in Aurora CO. There have been a number of other shootings at movie theaters which I also remember to some degree.
Missouri has some of the most relaxed gun laws in the country paired with very aggressive stand your ground laws. The result has been in increase in firearm death rates that way outpaces the nation and according to the CDC puts MO 6th in the country in gun death rates.
Questions:
1. If the young adult men has been white instead of black would my spidey sense have been pinging as aggressively?
2. If guns weren't such a clear and present risk factor in this country and in St. Louis in particular would I, other patrons, the theatre manager, or the mall cops be more willing to stand up to bad behavior?
3. Did I react appropriately? Should I have pushed back on the young men? Should I have told others? My assumption was that they were looking for a fight, but maybe they were just acting like stupid kids.
4. Would I have felt better if I was armed? No. I tend to believe in the old testament law regarding guns--one rule is "don't pull it if you ain't gonna use it" and do I really want to start shooting people? No. Do I want to start shooting people and possibly provoke a gun fight with my son next to me? NO NO NO. Would Missouri's stand your ground laws probably have protected me had I shot a bunch of people? Probably. Did I fear for my and my son's safety? Absolutely. Did one of the kids climb over 3 rows of seats to sit right behind me and make contact with me? Yup. Did he direct a nasty comment at me and my son. Ya betcha? Was there a way for me to escape? Yes and I used it but could I have stood my ground? Does horrible behavior in a movie theatre warrant being shot?
For those of you who don't remember or didn't track the final outcome over the shooting over a disagreement in a bar over a dog's weight it's worth reading this link.
man starts bar fight--shoots 2 and kills one and takes plea after hung jury
5. Would I have felt better if we had to go through a metal detector to enter the theater? Yes. However, movie theaters are barely making money and adding a line item to their expenses for that level of security would bankrupt most. And there is both the hassle factor and the low level anxiety created by needing that kind of security to go to a movie.
So was I right or wrong? Did I overreact (or underreact). Would I have reacted the same way if the bad behavior came from white men, or women?
I look forward to your thoughts---and promise the next post will be much lighter fare.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
so my daughter wants to become a hockey ref
which brings us of course to Lakewood CO baseball game between 7 year olds. Seems the 13 year old ump (same age as my daughter) called a player out for batting out of order. Rumor has it that there was also a lot of cussing coming from parents (and maybe coaches). That is rumor---what actually started what you see in the below video I can't tell you. What I can tell you is parents, adults etc lost their minds at a baseball game for 7 year old kids.
baseball parents lose their shit
After the video went online and much of the nation got to see Colorado at its best the league tossed both teams for the rest of the season, the police have charged 5 parents with assault, and apparently are trying and so far been unsuccessful at IDing the guy in the teal shorts. Really, no parents are willing to finger the guy who knocked someone out. Seems like while the parents preach one thing their actions continue to be dodgy.
Remember the Littleton hockey coach who lost his mind in this pregame rant.
hockey coach loses mind
yea he got fired. But let's not forget a couple of things--there were other adults in that room, and they didn't stop it. Also pretty much all leagues have a policy against cell phones in locker rooms---if this wasn't recorded and put online would the coach have been fired? Was the player who captured the rant on their phone and published it punished (honestly he probably should be----or what is the rule----no using cell phones in locker room unless an adult is misbehaving in which case its fine and encouraged).
While these incidents both strike close to home (my daughter has played puck against some of those boys), we have an incident right in my backyard. During a series of games against Telluride at the Bantam level things got increasingly out of hand and by the 3rd game of the weekend a full on fight broke out on the ice which included one kid getting knocked out and even after he crumbled to the ice the opponent continued to beat on a kid who was out cold.
So my daughter wants to be a hockey ref...............
Up next----am I a racist?
baseball parents lose their shit
After the video went online and much of the nation got to see Colorado at its best the league tossed both teams for the rest of the season, the police have charged 5 parents with assault, and apparently are trying and so far been unsuccessful at IDing the guy in the teal shorts. Really, no parents are willing to finger the guy who knocked someone out. Seems like while the parents preach one thing their actions continue to be dodgy.
Remember the Littleton hockey coach who lost his mind in this pregame rant.
hockey coach loses mind
yea he got fired. But let's not forget a couple of things--there were other adults in that room, and they didn't stop it. Also pretty much all leagues have a policy against cell phones in locker rooms---if this wasn't recorded and put online would the coach have been fired? Was the player who captured the rant on their phone and published it punished (honestly he probably should be----or what is the rule----no using cell phones in locker room unless an adult is misbehaving in which case its fine and encouraged).
While these incidents both strike close to home (my daughter has played puck against some of those boys), we have an incident right in my backyard. During a series of games against Telluride at the Bantam level things got increasingly out of hand and by the 3rd game of the weekend a full on fight broke out on the ice which included one kid getting knocked out and even after he crumbled to the ice the opponent continued to beat on a kid who was out cold.
So my daughter wants to be a hockey ref...............
Up next----am I a racist?
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