I'm moving us to tangerine or WTF

 COVID numbers continue to trend up but its snowing --hoping for a foot in the next 24 hours.

But that ain't the news---the news is we got vandalism to our gas service and 3,500 homes are without gas.  This whole process started on Saturday with about 50 houses but as it became clear that the cause was vandalism Black Hills Energy acted out of an an abundance of caution and shut gas to pretty much all of Aspen.  Those homes will be without gas for 12-36 hours to limit the chance of them exploding, and instead will run the risk of pissed off home owners, renters and lots and lots of burst pipes as temps drop in peoples houses.

Vandalism in Aspen to our gas lines---shouldn't that move us up the color wheel of danger?

How about the Sundeck at the top of Aspen mountain---25% of the staff tested positive but not to worry they are staying open with no change to their policies because......well they are quite proud that they were able to get so many tests done and 'box in' COVID.  humm yea right.  Is that acting out of an abundance of caution or an abundance of exhaustion?  More to the point the optics of 100 more people testing positive over the next week is just par for the course, but if a house blows up due to gas pipeline that is front page news (and a major lawsuit).

So I vote that the county moves to Tangerine---a color not on the wheel of COVID but a lovely color non-the-less.  

I would propose the following rules for Tangerine, no one outside of the roaring fork valley can ski here or visit.  All restaurants are closed.  All businesses are subsidized by a massive increase in real estate taxes (TABOR be dammed raise real estate taxes from 1-2k per million in home valuation to 15k per million in home valuation over $5 million).  For example, if your home is valued at $10million you would pay 5k on the first $5million and $75k on the second $5million for a total of $80k.  The emergency COVID tax expires after 1 year.

FYI Aspen real estate is off the hook.  $3-4k per square foot in cost is not unusual, nor does it get you anything special.  With unemployment in Pitkin County at over 10%, lines at the food bank stretching across town maybe its time to normalize real estate taxes for a year to transfer wealth from those who got it to those who need it.  Then the town could protect lives and support livelihood as well.  And maybe, just maybe our kids could go back to in person school.  It might also reduce the increasing agro intensity in town---could that perchance limit infrastructure vandalism as well?

Tangerine---the tax the rich color (for just one year).

My daughter also suggested the following locals only tee-shirt and marketing message

ITS MY MOUNTAIN, your just skiing it

not bad if I say so

moved to RED

 wow in the fast moving world of COVID we lasted at orange plus plus less than 24 hours before moving to red.

What does this mean---restaurants are shut ---what else it means (do they close the mountain) is probably the subject of a heated discussion but right now the lifts are still spinning at the moment(noon Tuesday).  

Seems Dean Wormer realized he could just toss Delta house off campus and could skip the whole double secret probation thing--that said if you are hear from out of town just remember lie lie lie---there are no consequences besides more COVID.

more funny numbers (or what could go wrong?)

 1.  our hotels are at 90% capacity but our restaurants (under our made up orange plus level) are limited to 50% capacity---how will out of town guests feed themselves?---our local business chamber has suggested the answer is increase restaurant capacity--what could go wrong?

2.  my friends who work as caterers are overbooked.  Guess that is how many visitors are dealing with the restaurant capacity limits.

3.  one of my daughters hockey teams is scheduled to play in phoenix AZ the first weekend in January.  Of the 19 players on her team she is the only player choosing to listen to the CDC guidelines recommending against travel.  This trip will involve at least 3 nights in a hotel and 4 games.  At a recent practice my daughter over heard a couple of her teammates talking saying ' I really like AZ at least there we won't have to wear masks when we play, and restaurants don't have the same kind of stupid limits we have in CO'.  As a reminder the last time this team traveled to games out of state players, coaches and parents all tested positive in the following week.  To reiterate she is the only player on her team choosing not to travel out of state to play teams from 3 different states.  What could go wrong?  And I am sure that when the CDC and pretty much every medical authority recommended against travel and gatherings they of course understood the important of U14AA girls hockey and wouldn't want to restrict that.

NEWS FLASH THIS JUST IN ---PITKIN COUNTY MOVES TO ORANGE PLUS PLUS

orange what?????????? about a month ago Pitkin county invented a new level of restrictions on the states color wheel ----even though some of our numbers at the time indicated we should move to red and shelter in place the town didn't want to shut restaurants and maybe the mountain out of concern for the economy so they invented a level between orange and red---orange plus.  Since then in a surprise to no one our numbers have gotten much worse.  How much worse---our 14 day average incidence rate is about 4x the level that would put us into red---our 5 day average incidence rate is about 8x the level to put us into red, so yesterday Pitkin County created another new level of restrictions on the wheel---orange plus plus because orange plus was such a success.  For us grumpy old men brings back memories of double secret probation.

double secret probation

Yes try to find a way to laugh otherwise you will cry and want to beat people over the head with a bat (and maybe re-watch animal house a classic anti-war --- times they are a changing movie).

So what does double secret probation ---I mean orange plus plus mean to you travelers thinking about a trip to Aspen.  LIE.

When you check into wherever you are staying if they bother to ask if you got a COVID test say yes--no one will check.  When you go out to dinner and they ask if everyone you are eating with is in your immediate family say yes.  If a liftie asks you to put a mask on or pull it up pretend like you don't speak English (this is a ton of fun--feel free to make up your own language).  If ya wanna party have a party in your house---house parties are excellent and I can recommend a DJ (he was working the snow polo event last weekend and there are plenty of caterers happy to help with the event and if you get caught well the worst that will happen is you get put on double secret probation).  And if you get sore after a couple of days of skiing not to worry--you can always go to Bikram yoga assuming the wait list isn't filled.

yoga schedule

What could go wrong?

math set (no calculus required but they do get harder)

 Don't worry I think you will all pass this set of math problems:

1.  Town of Snowmass village tourism board signs up for ski singles week (dec 13-19) + COVID=???

2.  On the lift a fellow local mentioned that his friend who runs a catering business offered him $100 an hour to work a New Year's Party for 100 locals he did the math as follows

$100 an hour x 7 hours plus $300 tip= $1,000

If someone at the party subsequently tests positive and gets contact traced to party he will miss 10 days of work, and he makes $240 a day and he figures the odds of someone being positive at the party are 95%.

Does he work the party?

3.  How good are our hotel COVID measures?

At the St. Regis over 20 interns tested positive for COVID--there are 60 interns.  If in any given week approximately 1% of the local Pitkin residents test positive for COVID is the rate among St. Regis interns higher or lower than the rate in Pitkin at large.  How much higher?  Does that indicate the St. Regis has a good program to keep people safe or a failing one?

st regis interns

4.  I am cheap so I don't buy my son new ski boots.  Mostly he just crams his feet into them.  He has skied  22 days so far this season.  What happens when you add skiing every day to 3 year old ski boots and a teenager?  See video for answer.

5.  A number of local restaurants have complained about the Aspen 'cancel culture' and are fighting back by requiring a deposit of $95 per person when you make a reservation.  That deposit is then applied against your bill and becomes a minimum per person cost to eat at said restaurant.  

that reservation is gonna cost you

this question has multiple parts

    

        a.  If you are a party of 6 and someone starts to feel sick the day of your reservation and cancelling requires 72 hour notice do you cancel your reservation out of an abundance of caution regarding COVID or just ask the sick person to stay home and drink an extra $95 worth?

        b.  When myself and MRS Aspen Green Acres used to live in NYC 25 years ago we would often dine at a small local Italian trattoria.  We would split a salad ($8) each get a plate of pasta ($10x2) and a bottle of wine ($15).  

            1.  How much did dinner cost Mr and Mrs green acres 25 years ago?

            2.  How much would that dinner cost today at Acquolina with a minimum spend of $95 per head?

            3.  Assuming 7% tax and 20% tip in 1995 and 10% tax and 25% tip today at Acquolina what is 

                rate of inflation?  If the US Commerce Department says inflation is running at 2% per year how much higher is the inflation rate of dinner at an Italian restaurant per year and over 25 years?

            4.  If you bring two children with you and each adult eats $55 in food and each child eats $30 in                     food and a bottle of wine is $60 how many bottles of wine must you drink to consume your deposit?  Remember that you can't buy half a bottle of wine?  

                        i.  Can you legally drive home after dinner?  

                        ii. Can mom and dad stand up or cross and icy road?

                        iii.  How many bottles of wine must your drink if you have 3 kids and two adults?

How did you do?  

FUCK everyone

 ohhhhhhh k

my wife was planning on taking my keyboard away because I am obviously way too agro, but I managed to sneak off one more post------

But because she is usually right I am going to tone it down (yes this is the toned down version)

1.  my son has 15 ski days---go boy go

2.  The St. Regis in Aspen had more than 20 interns test positive for COVID ---which one of you visitors is staying at the St. Regis or any local hotel with their excellent mitigation measures this X-mas or New Years?

COVID interns

3.  I love the guy who posted a comment in the Aspen Times regarding the new Pitkin County Policy that visitors must have a negative COVID test 3 days prior to arrival and as a result he and his family would go to Jackson Hole not Aspen even though he loves Aspen because of the cost of getting the COVID tests.  Humm lets unpack this little gem---you won't come to Aspen on a family ski trip because of the cost of getting a COVID test.  Really!!!!  In much of this country testing is free, or covered by insurance but even if it costs each family member $200 that is the cost of what a couple of lunches on the mountain or 1 day's lift ticket and a beer.  Oh yea and while you say you like Aspen you insist you aren't a local, BUT you are posting in the local paper.  Yea right.

4.  Places my kids friends went over Thanksgiving include but are not limited to, NYC, Switzerland, France, Maui, Mexico, LA, Denver, and.....well you get the point.

5.  Today 20 more people tested positive---we are beyond the red line on the color wheel for positive cases but we stay well below that because also in the algo to calculate our color is how much of our local hospital capacity is being used and that is minimal---I think we have 70% of beds open (or 7 beds depending on how you look at it).  But if-when AVH is at capacity you can assume every other bed in the state is taken because what you don't want to have is bad COVID at AVH----we have many, many orthopedic surgeons who are excellent but not a single respiratory therapist, or anyone who specializes in any of the treatment you would need if you get bad COVID.  Odds are if you check into AVH with COVID you get an ACL repair, and maybe a torn rotor cuff cleaned up.  When my wife was sick they ran a respiratory panel and .....promptly lost the results.

6.  Speaking of sick wife, she got sick at the start of NOV.  We (her doc as well) thought it might be COVID so she was tested.  Negative.  Tested again 5 days later.  Negative.  I was tested,  Negative.  She never had a fever, never lost her sense of smell but slept for 17 days and had an oxygen level in the low 80s until she was put on supplemental oxygen.  But it could have been other respiratory disease but with the lost respiratory panel that became hard to determine.  So imagine our surprise when our health insurance called to ask about how she was doing with COVID and that she was officially considered COVID positive by health insurance.  IE a PREEXISTING CONDITION.  Yup, she now has an additional preexisting condition for something that she may or may not have had.  GOPers out there just remember the affordable care act was passed 11 years ago and while you have promised to replace it with something better that included coverage for the aforementioned preexisting conditions you have not actually presented anything.  Zero, zip, nada.  Nice effort Republican party.

7.  My daughter's hockey team is going to Phoenix jan 8-10 to play hockey.  Take a guess  is my daughter going?  Will we listen to the CDC or fly on a plane and stay in a hotel and be around many other kids whose parents may or may not be eating at restaurants.  Hey my dad knows the answer.

8.  My son is gonna take a pass on orange bowl in Miami this winter---in a surprise to no one least of all my dad----more days to ski towards that goal of 100 assuming Ski Co doesn't put a reservation system in place so the guy who is complaining about paying for COVID tests can come ski forcing locals to sit X-mas and New Years out.

9.  My daughter informed me about an orgy that occurred in the 10th grade and again in a surprise to no one masks were not worn.

10.  A social media post by an 8th grader includes this gem----her favorite sport is .........'giving blow jobs'----dear lord we can't return to 'normal' soon enough.

Act out of an abundance of caution not an abundance of exhaustion

My dad died of Parkinson's on Thanksgiving Day.

Neither I nor my sister traveled to St. Louis to be at his deathbed nor his funeral service and burial 3 days later.

Why?  We chose to act out of an abundance of caution, choosing to follow the CDC guidelines against travel.  We chose not to risk exposing our 80 something year old step-mom and his caregivers to more potential COVID vectors.  I chose not to expose my wife and kids to additional COVID risks and not to bring those risks back to our community.  I chose not to try to figure out how to go to a cemetery, house of worship, and my father's home and not give or accept a hug because I didn't think I could do it.

The decision to go to St. Louis to see my father for one last moment, to hold his hand on his deathbed, to help bury him was left to us.  It was lovely that there was no pressure put on us one way or another.  It gave me room to think---what would my dad do?  My dad the internist who made house calls until he retired.  My dad who specialized in infectious diseases.  My dad who did not support the Vietnam War, but when drafted served with honor, was in country when I was born, picked up a handful of medals, and when discharged, spoke out about his experiences.  My dad's moral compass pointed true North.  Always.

There are times I wondered why my father didn't find a fellow doctor to discover he had bone spurs, or flat feet or some other ailment that would have disqualified him from service, or at a minimum used his Harvard, Johns Hopkins connections to keep him stateside.  Likewise, there were times I was frustrated that he didn't make a call or two to help me see a particular doctor more quickly.  But to wonder about those things is to forget the unwavering nature of his moral compass.

If my father had been able to speak in those last days and I had asked him what he wanted me to do his answer would have been predictable.  First, he would assume his doctor voice, and then he would say "you should follow the CDC recommendations, you should not put your family's health at risk, you should think about our country's lives and livelihood and stay home.  And you should have one heck of a memorial service for me in a year."

So, What did you do for Thanksgiving?  What are you going to do for Christmas and New Year's?  What sacrifices are you willing to make every day for our country's lives and livelihood?  Does your compass waver?  My dad's didn't.

  

bright side part III

 I have been told a popular short written question for the SAT is --what did you do during COVID?

My son is aiming for straight As and 100 days (skiing)

this is gonna require a lot to go right---first he has to manage to get straight As with a course load that includes 4 IB HL classes and a school whose grade range gives an A- for a 93.99%.  So the straight As is a pretty aggressive goal (and one that his parents could care less about).

What else has to go right to make this happen?

The boy is hoping COVID threads a very fine needle in Aspen---he needs school to stay remote, while the lifts keep spinning.  That is a pretty narrow window.  He also needs Ski Co not to implement a reservation system, or at least find himself limited by a Ski Co reservation system.  Odds of that happening are very very slim.

It would also be easier for him to hit this goal if he doesn't do any winter sailing.  One of the big national races is in February and he would love to do it (and would like that chance to show college coaches his skills in a national regatta) but losing a week of skiing to sailing will make those 100 days tuff.

And of course if he is forced to quarantine for 14 days (potentially more than once) that would also make reaching 100 day even harder.

Will he manage to keep his grades up while bolting for the slopes every lunch (and maybe doing wilderness guide class from the mountain on his phone)?  Will a college be impressed with getting in turns will getting decent grades?  Will COVID, the school, and Ski Co even make it possible?

WHO CARES.  It's an awesome goal.  Even better, regardless what happens getting out for a quick ski mid day is great for his mind and body and makes for more pleasant interactions with a 17 year old boy.

Progress so far?  7 days and 7 As (and one A- the always frustrating 93).  

How many days you got?

always look on the bring side part duex

 don't need any winter budget for sunscreen.  Between helmet, goggles, and buff there is no exposed skin.  Course we all know those buffs aren't great COVID stoppers, but it is what it is. 

Also I have no clue who anyone is---nor does anyone know who I am.  Maybe an additional COVID bonus.

always look on the bright side (well at least for a day)

my kids don't really like skiing.  BUT during COVID things change.  We are one of those households who are listening to CDC guidelines about travel, and interaction and are pretty much holed up in our basement with a can of beans.

BUT I will let my kids out of the house to ski (and yes chair lifts don't seem like a great idea, but they are pretty much riding alone or with a small pod of friends with their masks on outside).

All of a sudden my kids want to ski.  My son has skied every day the mountain has been open, my daughter less but she is starting to warm to it.

It seems if the only way to have human interaction is outside, with skis on they will ski.

And guess what?  My son all of a sudden is sleeping better, acting better and maybe even having more energy in afternoon classes.  Who would have thought that just 35 min of skiing outside with a friend would be enough to flip an attitude?  (well as every parent out there knows we all did, but getting our kids to buy in was just about impossible---that said if the options are continue to face a screen or go skiing even the biggest hater of skiing starts to see the appeal)