Thursday, May 31, 2018

nice penis

got your attention?

In an effort to be the best parents we can be we have started a gratitude list during diner.  One of my son's first moments of gratitude revolved around being grateful for his penis...........fish.  That is what he calls his weather loach fish.  Link below---yes they do look a bit like a penis.

penis pic (weather loach fish)

Full disclosure my family's dinner table conversation is often R rated.  We use words like penis and we sometimes talk about sex and drugs and rock and roll and use 4 letter words.  I am not saying that is right (or wrong) I am just hoping that you won't judge our parenting and I won't judge yours.

But more about penises.

As we roll towards the end of school the usual fun festivities are going on.  This includes the distribution of school yearbooks.  As usual after the yearbooks are distributed the kids are given time to sign each others.  Turns out my son is a bit of a Picasso (actually he has failed pretty much every fine arts class he has taken) and he added a bit of a flourish to his notes---a poorly drawn penis.  Sadly, my son was hardly original in this--much of the student body was drawing penises in each others yearbooks (I too have some in my yearbooks from yesteryear).  But my son gets caught by a teacher who sees his artwork in another kids yearbook the teacher is signing.  My son gets sent home from school along with 2 other aspiring artists.  Using some basic statistical methods analyzing his yearbook I would have to guess that 80-100 students were scrawling penises in yearbooks.  Punishing less than 5% of the students committing a crime creates a challenging parenting moment, and sends a poor message to the rest of the students (do the crime and let the usual suspects take the fall).

I want to support the school when they discipline my child.  I tell my son that because he is outspoken and loud he is liable to draw more attention to himself and therefore needs to have extra good behavior.  I tell him that drawing penises is juvenile.  But it is really hard to me to find a really good teaching point.  He didn't toss other kids under the bus for a victimless crime.  I agree with him on that.  He didn't fight about it, he took responsibility which I also agree with. 

Maybe there is a good teaching moment here for all of us.  Sometimes we as a society would benefit from being a bit more mellow, a bit less PC.  The teacher who saw the offending penis drawing could have just ignored it.  What damage would that have done?  What if people had either laughed or cringed or ignored Michelle Wolf's speech at the DC correspondents dinner?  Did it really deserve to be dissected and analyzed by every 'pundit' under the sun?  Did that help improve discourse in our country?  For crying out loud she was giving a roast toast--what do you expect?  For that matter what do you expect from middle school students at the end of the year with pens and yearbooks.

What can be as important as our behavior is how to choose to respond to other's behavior.  If you go to a political roast expect to get toasted and accept that as the cost of some laughs. If you give yearbooks to middle school kids expect some colorfully autographs.  If you don't like that then ignore it, and if that doesn't work for you then maybe you have to inspect everyone's yearbooks and send as many porn artists as you track down home.  But maybe seeing 25% of the student body in the vice principal's office might make you reassess your decision.  Sometimes the right thing to do is nothing at all.




Wednesday, May 23, 2018

forget math lets go for a bike ride

Riding a bike in Chicago is either a life risking endeavor or your riding the trail on the lakefront.  The lakefront trail isn't bad but its crowded and you still have to get to it which involves riding on regular traffic roads.  Riding a bike on the streets of Chicago is kinda like playing Frogger on acid.  The odds of getting hit by a car door, bus, or someone pulling out of an alley are very high, and eventually your frog always gets run over.

Which makes my son laugh when the mayor of Aspen drones on in all seriousness about how to make the town of Aspen more bike friendly.  Yea you could do it, but as he said ' I could do 360s down Main street and not get hit'.  He is right.  Aspen is very bike friendly.  I would say Aspen might be the Disney World of biking.  There are bike trails and bike lanes everywhere.  Riding up to the Maroon Bells, or Ashcroft or Independence pass are some of the best rides in the country.  And they are just out my back door.  There are also 1000s of miles of mountain bike trails as well.

Which brings up a slightly different biking challenge in Aspen.  Check your ego at the door.  There are a number of ex professional bikers who live here full or part time.  There are a number of world class athletes who live here full time and ride bikes.  There are a number of really rich folks who spend A LOT of money on their bikes.  And there are e-bikes (electronic aid).  Which means you will get passed a lot.

Examples:

1.  Driving down Main st the other day going 25 mph I look in my rearview mirror to see Johnny Law on a bike keeping pace with me.  He is barely pedaling a crappy looking bike with a flack jacket and a gun and he is doing 25 mph up a slight hill.  WTF.  Ah he is on an e-bike.  I've been passed by e-bikes all over the place.  Heading up independence pass (a solid climb) I was passed by a husband and wife who look like they just pulled a jail break from an assisted living home and they cruised right by me---and the e part of the bike was so small that I almost didn't realize they had a motor.  Thank God cause otherwise my ego couldn't have handled it.

2.  I was heading up to Ashcroft and was passed by a professional team out for a training ride.  I'm kinda slow and old, and they were young and fast.  Thank goodness they were all wearing their practice team jerseys so I knew exactly what that was that flew by me.  Sometimes the pros (and ex pros) are not so kind as to let you know who they are and it can be a bit tuff on the ego.  I was passed by a couple of older women who were probably going 12 mph up a 7 degree grade while chatting about what to bake for the school bake sale.  That hurts.  But that is Aspen.

3.  Equipment.  I'm kinda old school and cheap so I really don't want to spend $10k+ for a new ride.  I ride an old Schwinn (ok its a Gunnar Tire-Biter from 1998) --which was an ok bike 20 years ago.  I was riding downhill from Ashcroft with a friend of mine who has a nice but not great new bike.  He was probably 15% faster than me downhill and I was in a much more aerodynamic position.  Conclusion---new tires blow away old tires.  And if you got cash to spend, you can work a lot less and go a lot faster---ergo that guy who passed me on a $20k bike might not have my heart or legs but he sure has my pocket book beat and that means he is going to crush me on the road.

And I am ok with that.  I get to ride over the contintinal divide, next to high mountain streams and lakes surrounded by jaw dropping beauty with minimal car traffic.  But I will get passed.  A lot.  And I am (mostly) ok with that.  I just need to make sure I don't get pulled over by a police man on a bike for speeding in my car---I am not sure I am ready for that.




Monday, April 30, 2018

this week is all about math

It got windy in Aspen which knocked out our power.

What happens to a 'smart' home when the power goes out.

You get visits from the police, fire department (x2) and gas company.  And if I wasn't here to let the gas co in they would have shut off the gas until I could schedule a time to let them into the home to check for a gas leak before restarting the gas.

Where is the math?

Who remembers combinations and permutations?  For those of you who don't there are some not very complicated formulas you can look up, but basically when trying to troubleshoot a system order does matter so you need to look at permutations.  When repetition is allowed the formula is n^r or number of different ways you can do something to the exponent of the number of different ways it can be used.  Wait that is weird and complicated. 

in this house example n= working or not working and r= number of features

a simple (ish) example is troubleshooting a not working light (not smart house)
n=2 (working or not working)
r= 6   (electricity on to house, breaker, bulb, switch working, wiring to socket, socket)


the number of permutations you have to trouble shoot is 2^6 or 2x2x2x2x2x2=64

now in a smart house lets add to r = house wifi working, house router working, lighting wifi working

the number of permutations is now 2^9 or 512 or more than 8Xs more possible points of failure.

I think you probably have started to get my point but to hammer it home with the alarm system in my smart rental house

It has a lot of features---it works on electricity but it has a battery backup, it calls both the alarm company in case of emergency and the relevant service company (fire, police etc) either by landline if available or wirelessly if not, it has sensors to detect a break in, carbon monoxide, gas leak. water leak, AC failure, heat failure, I am sure there are more features but I am going to stop there

possible number of permutations = 2^12 or 4096. 


Bottom line---be mindful of what additional features you add because each ones becomes another possible point of failure and each ones double the number of things you have to troubleshoot. 

KISS=keep it simple stupid (that is directed both at home owners and architects and builders)---fancy feature creep is an expensive hassle --be mindful


Monday, April 16, 2018

i got a friend named Bob

Everyone should have a Bob like this Bob.  My Bob goes by king@kingofcarrentals.com

Why do you need this Bob in the age of Kayak and priceline and all those other businesses that scrape prices and let you self-service things like car rentals.  Cause Bob is better.

How so?

1.  We were going to be in Miami over X-mas week and every airport car rental was like $900.  I emailed Bob and he got me one for $350.  And not at some spooky off market place--that was National Car rental at MIA airport ---with Emerald Isle pick up to skip all the lines.

2.  I was stranded in Steamboat due to a snowstorm.  I emailed Bob and asked if he could get me a car so I could drive to a different airport (one way drop off SUV car).  He made it happen.  When I got to the airport in Steamboat they said there are no one way rentals available of any cars (little less an SUV).  I asked them to check their system and there was my reservation.  The agent said how the heck did you make that happen---I said thank you Bob.

3.  I just got back from spring break in Mexico.  Mexico reminds me a little bit of the Joe Pesci line in lethal weapon 2  "they always fuck you at the drive through'.  In this case when you get to the rental counter expecting and having paid for a full size SUV and they give you an econo shit box instead and you argue for some discount you find that no ones speaks English.  When you return the car at 5:30 AM on Easter Sunday you can be sure there is no one to address the issue with.  But once I got back stateside I emailed bob and next thing you know I am getting refunded $115.

Bob ain't free--he costs about $28 per rental.  And sometimes on a plain vanilla rental he doesn't do much or any better than what you find listed on Kayak.  But other times he is worth his weight in gold.

The last time I skipped using Bob I had my wife rent from Dollar at Dulles airport last summer.  Their rate was $40 bucks less than Bob's at National.  I went cheap.   Seems everyone else did as well.  My wife called me from the rental line--it took her just over 2 hours to get the car.  While she didn't divorce me she made it very clear that I had used up one of my 9 lives---to save $40 bucks.  I won't do that again.


Moral of the story---sometimes it's actually worth paying a service fee--it just might save you some money (anyone ever try to fight with Priceline --that is a no win situation), save you time and save you hassle. 

I hope I can find more Bob's--they are worth their weight in gold.


Sunday, April 15, 2018

exclusive by design

As I have noted before Exclusive by Design was a long ago marketing sloging Aspen Ski Co used.  While they have retired it maybe they should bring it back.  At least if they want to be honest.

As this season comes to a close this year and I have 22 days on my ski pass I am looking at passes for the 2018-2019 season.

Check this out.




Aspen Season Pass
Ikon Pass
Epic pass
Cost
$1899
$899
$899
Unlimited mountains
Aspen, aspen highlands, buttermilk, snowmass
Mammoth, Steamboat, Stratton, tremblant, winter park, Squaw valley and alpine meadows and more
Vail, beaver creek, whistler blackcomb, Breckenridge, keystone, park city, heavenly, northstar, Kirkwood, stowe, and more
Limited days
0 mountains
7 days at deer valley + jackson hole, + big sky+ killington, + revelstoke, Aspen snowmass + 7 total at alta-snowbird, and loon, Sunday river and sugarloaf
7 days at telluride, crested butte, okemo and mt Sunapee plus some international and Canadian resorts



If ski co wants to be honest they should rename the Aspen Premiere Season pass the Screw the locals pass.  Plain and simple for $900 you get unlimited days at other premiere resorts like squaw and Alpine meadows or Vail and Beaver creek and Whistler Blackcomb plus 7 days at a slew of other top notch resorts OR you can ski when you want at Aspen-Snowmass for more than double (111% more to be exact) the price of virtually every other season pass in the country.  Ski Co mumbles something about the Aspen-Snowmass experience being 'better' than the ski experience elsewhere.  Is Aspen-Snowmass twice as good as Squaw (hosted a winter olympics) or Whistler (also hosted an olympics).  Is it twice as good as Vail and Beaver Creek (host of FIS Birds of Prey downhill every year) in terms of luxury?  The answer is NO.

Not only does this pass screw year around residents it's likely to hurt the town as well.  While the Ikon pass does include 7 days of Aspen-Snowmass skiing you wanna bet that some of our visitors who often come for longer periods of time are going to be looking to take some of those days elsewhere?  And if we have another snow year like we had this past year how pleased would you be to bail on your Aspen trip and replace it with Jackson hole?  Very pleased is the answer you are looking for Mike Kaplan,  and Steve Skadron your should be very worried (as should all Pitkin County citizens)  Tourist dollars keep our taxes low and our school strong among other things, and this pass will drive those dollars to other communities.

Aspen is a great ski town far away from everything.  It's hard to get to, expensive and has brain melting real estate prices (which affects everything).  And now Ski Co has decided to pursue a ticket pricing scheme that seems designed to reinforce exclusivity.  Given my choice between marketing slogans of 'The Aspen Way--Love, Unity, Respect and Commit" and Exclusive by Design I would go with the latter--it has the benefit of being honest.

Prices for Ikon and Epic go up starting May 1st so pick your pass soon.  And my friends who live in Steamboat and Squaw watch out I might be looking to spend a lot of time at your homes this winter.


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

road trip

yesterday I drove from Aspen to Mancos......... and back.  280 miles each way of CO state highways.  When was the last time you drove 560 miles on state highways in a day?  It's a heck of a way to see the country, and something that everyone (average joe to president ) would benefit from.

If you pull up google maps and you look at the area surrounding Chicago (or St. Louis or anything east of St. Louis) you will notice how many interstate highways there are.  When you are driving on an interstate there is little character.  It's kinda like going to a mall --they all have the same stores and everything looks kinda the same.

Go West of Kansas City and all of a sudden you will find fewer interstate highways relative to the area covered.  Yesterday I didn't choose to drive on state highways as opposed to interstates, I didn't have a choice.

Things I saw along my way:

1.  Sign indicating last gas station for 65 miles--and they weren't kidding.
2.  40% of the drive had no cell phone coverage (good thing I wrote directions down on a piece of paper--old school)
3.  I drove through Somerset CO twice--Coal mining science 1860s --- coal is not the future.  This has got to be one of the most depressing places you will see.  And it sure doesn't look like it was ever nice, no edifices of brick buildings, just crappy poorly built homes.  If you think we need to protect coal check out Somerset and then move on to solar or wind.
4.  I forgot the name of the town on 133 but it indicated it was the friendliest town on their welcome sign---along with a crucifix.  Friendly for whom?
5.  Inexpensive gas---Montrose.  Expensive gas Telluride.  like 25% more expensive.  Ski town pricing is in a whole different league.  Also true in small towns with no competition. 
6.  shockingly beautiful views (I didn't want to slow down to snap picks but here is a a shot from lizards pass near telluride at 60 mph)



7.  Lots of friendly police officers, once I had a flat tire.  3 different state troopers stopped to say hi, as I sat on the side of the road waiting for AAA.
8.  Slow AAA service.  Since my cell number is Chicago based I was automatically routed to IL then had to get routed back to CO then had to explain that Montrose (I was 20 miles South of Montrose) didn't have a V in it.  After 20 minutes on the phone they sent someone who should be there in 20-min to an hour.  It was an hour.  But AAA kept calling back to ask if I was safe---just as safe as the last time you called was my increasingly short tempered response as I feared not being able to make it to Montrose in time to get a new tire which would have necessitated an overnight stay in Montrose adding to the bill.
9.  PS if you were driving along 145 near Telluride and your camper van dropped a 4 in long bolt I have it.  Seems that after it shredded my tire it embedded itself in my wheel well.  Happy to return it to you for the price of 4 tires.
10.  Lots of beauty.
11.  Lots of cool looking not chain stores.
12.  Lots of less cool-kinda spooky not chain stores.
13.  Pick up trucks.
14.  a number of MAGA bumper stickers, no hillary bumper stickers, and one sign outside of Telluride that said elect a clown expect a circus

My advice--if you live in a city or town go for a state highway road trip if you can---normally to be balanced I would suggest  rural folk go visit a city but my bet is that already happens because if you need to buy something or see a medical specialist you're hoping in your car and driving to the big city more often than not.







Monday, April 9, 2018

death by numbers

so far this year there have been 121 homicides in Chicago in 2018 (down 41 from this point last year).

No homicides in Aspen this year, or last year, or the year before that or............well nothing in the past 15 years at least.


However we did have a death over the weekend when a skier in side country got killed by an avalanche.  He was very skilled ---a member of our mountain rescue team.  We also had more people die last summer climbing Capitol, Pyramid and the Bells than died in 2017 on Everest. 

I guess we take different risks in Aspen vs the big city of Chicago.  Just as the wrong neighborhood in Chicago has risks so too does some of our climbing and skiing adventures.  There is one big difference though---people who die in Aspen pursuing adventures are doing so by choice, people born into the wrong family and wrong hood in Chicago just lost the parent lottery.

The risk I picked on Sunday was too much Bacon.  Post too much beer at the Blues- Avs game I went to closing day on Buttermilk where Ski Co was giving out bacon.  Tasted great going down but I fear I am getting too old for that much bacon.  I must learn to just say no.